K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
