Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
