We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
do nipples grow back?
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