Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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