member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
