I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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