Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
