We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
