Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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