Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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