You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
