I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
