Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize