he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
