once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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