Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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