Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
