Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
