it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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