My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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