the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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