i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When are your genitals available?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
