WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
