He asked to "fluff my boner.."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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