i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he puts the penis in happiness.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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