actually, I'm a sock model
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
