I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
