You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Randomize
