My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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