i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
