can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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