I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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