So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
