I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
