why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
