when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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