I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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