...so i touched it.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
