Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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