I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
