I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Drunk is not a location!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
