tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
