that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
