Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
