you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Holy sore nipples Batman
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
