bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize