I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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