i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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