haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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