Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize