I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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