I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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