this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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