i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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