Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
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It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
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i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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