Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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