Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
