He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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