just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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