It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Small penises have feelings too.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
