happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
