Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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