So drunk its hurt
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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