I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
