Your face is a jimmy john
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
