Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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