If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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