He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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