Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
